Finding yourself

The thing with being (fairly) newly divorced is that I still don’t really have a sense of who I am. That may sound strange, but I met my ex-Husband when I was 20. By 22 I had a baby, by 24 I was married and had a house, by 25 an autistic toddler and a demanding career. I never got to do much growing-up – I was just up.

It’s almost like being a teenager again, being divorced. Like having to develop an identity all over. Creating the life that I want. Except this time I get to do it right. I get to do it with the hindsight of the mistakes I did make the first time around. I also get to do it with the additional challenges of being a Mother to a disabled child and co-parenting with an ex-Husband, but no-one ever said life was easy.

I’m getting to meet new people, experience new ways of life. New ideas, new challenges, a new me. I don’t really know who I am. I don’t really know where I’m going. And it’s scary, and hard, and at times I just want to crawl into bed and hide under the duvet until reality goes away. But that’s OK. I’ll survive, I’ve always had to. I’ll live.

I would blog more about this whole divorce business, but one woman always seems to say it all, and much better than me. Go listen to Meredith over at Now is Good. She’ll talk you through it.

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