Not caring

I started to write a different post to this, on co-parenting an autistic child. I will do that post some day soon, but today I had a brainwave. I thought a simple thought, something that I already knew, but a thought that has actually enabled me to shift my perceptions a little and maybe begin to emerge from this fog that’s engulfed me the last few weeks. That thought? I don’t need to care:

– I don’t need to care what the ex-husband gets up to, his personal life is none of my business

– I don’t need to care what the ex-husband or his OH think of me, the only opinion that matters is my own

– I don’t need to care whether the ex-husband believes I’m a good parent or not, I know that I do my best

If this makes me sound like a cold-hearted bitch then so be it. I’ve had to learn to be like that to survive. Of course, deep down, I do care about the ex-husband (and his OH), but I can’t let myself NEED to care. That’s the subtle difference. I will do my best to communicate with him and work with him for the benefit of our child. Beyond that nothing else matters. Everything else is an irrelevance and a distraction.

Whilst I would love for us one day to be able to sit down and actually talk about what went wrong in our marriage (and it’s not as simple as I think he thinks) I am under no illusion that will ever happen. We conducted our divorce the same way as the majority of our relationship, with a calm air of resignation. The time for tears and recriminations is long gone. From now on, I just don’t need to care.

 

 

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jojoineedtobreakfree
    Oct 09, 2011 @ 15:06:15

    Great way to look at it. trying to do a similar thing but you put it better than my mind equated it. Good luck with keeping your focus on that x

    Reply

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