Perfection

I’m not perfect, and I don’t pretend to be. Right now I’m about as far from it as it is possibe to be. I’ve struggled so hard for so long. In doing so I’ve made a lot of mistakes, some of which the consequences of I’ve still to face. At the moment I just need to stop. To stop fighting. To stop pretending that I’m coping. To stop putting on a brave face. To just stop.

Given the chance to go back and change things, would I? I don’t know. To correct some of my mistakes, yes. The way I have handled certain situations has been far from right. I am going to have to deal with the fall-out in one arena, and it’s not going to be pretty. But to go back to the way things were? Probably not. In an ‘ideal’ world things would have changed in a different way, but the world is not ideal.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself through this process, and maybe that will be the best thing to have come of everyting that has happened over the last 18 months. I’ve learnt that I am stronger than I think. That I can climb back from the lowest point and keep going. That all that really matters is that I try my best, as that’s all I can do. Sometimes the lessons you learn are the most important outcome. Nobody is perfect.

Whatever happens next I won’t be beaten.

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