I just don’t blog enough. I just don’t clean enough, I just don’t keep up-to-date with my work enough, I just don’t give enough attention to those I love. ENOUGH. Enough is enough. What I do *is* enough, and I have to remember that. And if that means I blog once-in-a-blue-moon-whenever-I-just-feel-like-it then that’s OK. If the house could do with a bit of work and isn’t spotless then that’s OK as well (though it’s better with two people trying to keep on top of it). If I’m not the *perfect* professional with the *best* performance? I’m only human. And if my loved-ones feel that I don’t pay them enough attention…well, they don’t feel like that (as far as I know). I’m blessed, I’m loved, I’m happy and I am enough.



I have spent this weekend reading about and preparing to do a home retreat. I’ve always liked the idea of going on a retreat, but was never sure that I could find one that would ‘fit’ with my beliefs (as ill-formed as they are). So I decided that I will do a retreat on my own, at home. I don’t buy into much traditional religious claptrap, and don’t have much time for anything completely hippy-dippy ‘grow your own jumpers and knit your own veg’. I do, however, have some kind of ‘faith’ – in the Universe, in the Goddess, in Being. And I know that some of the practices I try to do, such as Mindfulness, are helpful and worthful.

I bought Jennifer Louden‘s book The Woman’s Retreat Book: A Guide to Restoring, Rediscovering and Reawakening Your True Self –In a Moment, An Hour, Or a Weekend. I read and relaxed, and thought about different practices and things I could do. I bought myself a planning book to write down my ideas. I ‘retreated’ into myself. I pretty much had a retreat without (m)any of the usual retreat like practices! It was one of the most relaxing weekends I’ve had for a while. Not completely a retreat though – I still spent too much time on FaceBook, and watched TV, and did housework. I didn’t ‘get away’

I am going to do it ‘for real’ on the 22nd March, which is my next totally free weekend. I have a plan, a list of practices, a hope, a desire, a need to bring my guiding star to life. Love. To love and cherish myself.

For my wife

I’ve been told off by my Wife for not blogging enough! So this is an attempt to rectify that. As usual, I make no promises as to frequency etc. of blogging, as I am rubbish at keeping to them, but as one of my un-resolutions is to write more I may as well use this space.

This week has been a long, hard, one, but today has been a blissful day of utter chilled outness. It was sorely needed. Tonight I am off for dinner with two of my oldest and bestest friends, M and A, who I haven’t seen since Bonfire Night. I love this time of year, as people make more of an effort to spend time together. Not that my friends don’t usually, but we all lead such busy lives and have competing priorities. There’s something about Christmas, that despite the hustle and bustle there’s still a peacefulness and a true desire to be with those you love the most. I like that.

Here’s to a happy Christmas for all, however and whatever you celebrate.

All this and heaven too

Some of these may seem contradictory, but in balance they keep me functioning:


– I need alone time, time to just ‘be’. Time to completely switch off from the world and not have to think 

– I need connection. I need interaction with people. I need my friends

– I need my work, to be able to help others and watch them grow

– I need warmth, hugs, kind words, validation

– I need learning, knowledge; I need to know what is going on in the world

– I need creativity: to plant a seed and watch it grow, to get a little of ‘me’ out there 

– I need to be ME


What are your needs? 

Sleep is for the weak

My sleep pattern has really been all over the place recently. I cannot really function on less than seven hours, I have had about five and a half. I went through a stage of finding it difficult to drop off, but once I’d gone sleeping right through until 7am. Now I find it slightly easier to get to sleep, listening to classical music helps, but then I wake up very early. I’ve been awake since 4.30am and there is no point in going back to sleep now. I think it is probably time for some new curtains. I only have sheer nets up and the light is streaming through right now. Maybe blackout blinds will help? Before I do that though I need to decorate my room. I have the paint and paper, it’s just a case of getting the time. 

On a related ‘getting up’ note, please consider going here and signing the petition to save Amazing Radio on DAB. I’m listening online at this second, but I will miss waking up with my fix of Georgie Rogers in the morning. 

If I can’t change your mind then no-one will

Hello lovely blog. Work has been so busy recently, and there has been some other stuff going on, that I haven’t had time yet to complete my Filofax set-up post. I’m hoping to get to it on Monday (hooray for Bank Holidays!). Ali is working really well, and with a few more tweaks I think I will have the perfect layout. I need to buy a 6-hole punch though, my little one-holer just isn’t cutting the mustard. 

As work is utterly hectic I have a fairly quiet time on the horizon socially this month. A few nice things planned – I had dinner with friends last night, and I have a couple of events in the pipeline, but overall some much needed relaxation. I need it. April I made a trip home which always takes time to recover from (I love going home, but travelling is not a favourite activity of mine), and June will be packed as I am off to see the legend that is Mr Bob Mould on the 1st, and then to Download I go. Pre-Download I need to fit in a break with my son, as we are unlikely to get a proper holiday this year. I want to go away somewhere the Bank Holiday weekend, but can’t find anything where we can go Sat-Tues rather than Fri-Mon. If anyone has any ideas I’d be grateful to hear them. Must be accessible by public transport, no more than 2/3 hours from London, and have activities suitable for an autistic teenage boy. Oh, and a bar for Mum!

I’m really looking forward to Download. I have never been to a festival before. I need some advice on essential survival tools! We’re going in the car so no carrying problems. Obviously I have a tent, and an airbed, but what else should I take? Clothes would be a good idea I suppose! I don’t know what to wear though. This festivalling business is more stressful than I though it would be…


Filofax love

I’m a tech-nerd, I freely admit. A tech-nerd without an iPhone, but still…

I live the majority of my life online. I communicate with people through Facebook, blogs, other online fora. I could probably get away with never leaving the house if it wasn’t for the child and work! 

But some things I just can’t technologise (I insist that is a word). I have TRIED to use all sorts of electronic calenders and to-do lists. From the horrors of Outlook at work, to Google Calendar, Remember the Milk, Good-to-do, and a multitude of other apps. It just doesn’t work for me. I’m not entirely sure why, but it’s like I need the ‘realness’ of pen and paper. 

A few years back I saw the Breast Cancer Filofax on offer in WHSmith. I had to have it, of course. It’s PINK. I used it for a while, but I found it didn’t quite meet my needs. There was not enough space, I didn’t have the Filo-nous back then to do any hacks, and (curiously) it was TOO pink (I know! Who would ever have thought such a thing possible!). Plus I was still trying to be Ms Online, especially after we got our work Blackberry’s and I could auto-sync Outlook. 

Fast forward a few years, and I discovered Philofaxy. This wonderful, funny, hilarious, and FAX OBSESSED community reignited my planner and stationary passion. My BB had crashed one too many times, our IT dept are less use than a chocolate fireguard, and I needed to get my home life in order too. 

Sooooo, I mooched about online and ordered this beauty (in pink, natch). I called her Michael Fassbender’s Penis (don’t ask!). I went for Personal size as with the BC one I realised that Pocket is just too small for me. I did a few customisations on her, utilising some ideas from Philofaxy, and set about using and abusing her. She was a star. Came everywhere with me. I loved her hearts and the way she snuggled gently in my bag. But I admit, I strayed. I was seduced by LEATHER. Oh god, there is just something about leather…

So when I saw a discount code for City Organiser, and that they had the Finchley in Imperial Purple at a great price, I took the plunge. Unfortunately Royal Mail are less use than work’s IT dept and the first parcel they sent out never arrived. But they were SO helpful, and sent me another out immediately. 

Oh, I should have blogged about it then, with box pictures and everything, but I just wanted to get her on the go. I have named her Ali (after a friend, it has meaning!). She has a dashboard, and sections, oooh and a cotton cream WO2P diary. And I’m using her to track my spending (too much!), and for work notes. We make a perfect couple. I love the fact that I can use her for EVERYTHING. I’ve abandoned my poor purse in favour of her (sorry Mother-in-Law!). She even carries my compass (it’s a Mindfulness thing) and Radar key. She’s not quite set up EXACTLY how I want yet, but we’re getting there. 

One final point: Last night I had a complete mare and needed to be somewhere urgently. My stupid cheap phone completely died on me in the middle of the journey, I was meant to be meeting a friend who was doing me a huge favour, and of course I had NO NUMBERS. I have vowed now that I am writing all my contacts in Ali. Filo’s never crash, never drunk text (p:) and are always there for you <3. 


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